im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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