I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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