Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
