May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
