when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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