I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Randomize
