In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize