I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
