I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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