your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize