Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
