These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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