he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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