Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
