i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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