Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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