You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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