i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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