if only i could text you this smell
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
