why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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