Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
