I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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