whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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