I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
