dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
