I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
