You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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