if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
