She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
where are you?
Hypothermia
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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