My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
