Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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