no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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