No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
