my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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