Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Damn victory sex feels great
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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