Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
