Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
