please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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