Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
