so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
