Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
