Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
