the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
