I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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