found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
