I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
