i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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