I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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