I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
