Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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