just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
