she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
