Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
