So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
