Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
