There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
