Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
