Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
