I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
