so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
