i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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