I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
