you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
