I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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