***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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