we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
