Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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