So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
