i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
